Are you always trying to be confident?

Getting too comfortable with being confident might be one of the reasons why you’re not moving forward in life. 

You know, many people think that true confidence means feeling confident all the time but that’s not true. 

You might be in your path to the search of confidence, focussing on feeling good but by focussing on it you’re actively searching for confidence and you’re not creating genuine confidence as it comes not from looking at it and from constructing it but from naturally making it happen with your behavior. 

What if by focussing on the dark sides of yours you can uncover your confidence?

Keep reading as that’s what you’ll learn from this post.

Confidence & Insecurity: The Law of Polarity

We live in a world where staying for too long in a particular aspect of life neglecting its opposite your stop growing because of the law of polarity. 

When you focus too much on feeling confident because you’re not growing as what makes you feel confident most of the time is being comfortable with your insecurities.

The more you focus on feeling good the worse you feel as the pursuit of feeling good is not actually what makes you feel good but it’s some action that usually goes in the opposite direction, thus on feeling bad that eventually will give you the good feeling that you need.

The same thing happens at the gym. When you get muscles you feel good, when you feel good in front of the mirror and you get some. 

When you get some you stay in front of the mirror and look at yourself, that’s good as it’s appreciation but focussing too much on it or on the good feelings that it gives you won’t get you more pumped at all. 

If you wanna get more pumped you gotta focus on the pain so that in the pain of going to the gym will get you pumped even more as that’s what ultimately gets you there and with confidence it’s the same thing. 

With confidence focus on what doesn’t make you feel confident and be 

Same Start - Different Results

Let me tell you a story of two guys for simplicity let’s call them Luca and Andrea. 

They were two guys that were feeling insecure so they started together the path of feeling more confident, they started reading books and practicing the advices outlined there. 

Those advices actually made them feel more confident. Then what happened? 

Luca was improving as well as Andrea, he was just improving faster than Andrea as he was very committed and they both started to feel confident. 

But you know what happened? 

The more confident Luca he was feeling, the more addicted to the feeling of confidence he was getting. 

While Andrea was aware that the more confidence he was becoming and the more he was becoming addicted to confidence, he knew that he had to come back to his insecurities as well. 

So what happened? 

The mind of luca made him think only about what would get him that feeling of confidence. Approaching women, taking pictures and getting likes and taking actions that would only make him make feel good as he was becoming addicted to this feeling of confidence. 

Luca instead, was aware of this and that what gets you confidence is most of the times being aware of your strengths and insecurities. 

Luca was seeing the big picture and focussing on what made him feel good and on the tangible actions that could have made him feel confident and he knew that putting himself in cold water, doing things where he was not confident at improving his confidence. 

Andrea was becoming confident talking to people and the more he started talking to people and the more he started doing those activities but he was not going to public speaking or becoming vulnerable because he was too afraid of not feeling as confident as he was feeling before so he became addicted to that feeling and this hindered his growth path.

I was doing the same things until I realized “Wait, what am I doing? 

Am I actually becoming confident or I’m only inebriating myself with the feeling of confidence  just to escape the feeling of insecurity to which I was once used to but that hated and that’s why I went away from it?” 

As you can see personal growth is a matter of balance. 

You have to balance yourself, i stareste to understand this and now I focus more on what makes me feel more confidence but I don’t just go talking to a woman that gives me the approval of confidence i need but I go there and I approach her and I take action but I don’t necessarily stay with people that make me feel good as I already know that they will make me feel good. 

Instead I look for people that will put me on the spot and that will force me to grow even more or I won’t just be the teacher of something. 

How To Always Be Confident

1: Actively Seek For Uncertain Situations

If you can willingly put yourself in cold water, becoming comfortable with what's not comfortable, you'll develop the confidence you need to do what 99% of people will never do.

2: Abandon the necessity of feeling confident all the time

That’s not possible as we’re humans and we have fluctuations in our mood even though we can control those fluctuations by focussing on what can make us really be confident.

3: Focus on your blind spots

Focus on what you need to improve even if you’re improving and becoming confident as there’s always something more that you have to go for. 

Of course focussing on the good things you accomplished and feeling grateful for it is also important but don’t make the mistake of harboring in those feelings just because they feel good to you. 

You’ll still will have to go back to work and suffer and know that life isn’t only easy and only good.

Conclusion

To really be confident stop attaching yourself to the feeling of confidence and do what you’re supposed to do to really become confident.